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Don't Show

by Ghost Boy

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1.
Seeds (skit) 01:11
2.
Since I was just a little kid I been mentally unfit Imagining some shit Trying very hard to fit But I never really fit With the other fucking kids I been invisible Tryna stand out But It seemed dismissible All the useless kiddy clout I was special Yeah I been special (special) I was special Yeah I been special (special) Teachers were happy with me But they were not Grades were fucking snappy with me But I fought With every fucking kid that fucking agitated me Or the motherfucking system that dictated me I mean frustrated me Humiliated me Felt like I fucking caged When walked fucking free I was not like the others Everyone hated me My creativity Coulda never ran free With all limitations Bestowed upon me But I never really seemed to care Seemed to only dare To make it fucking fair Build a secret evil lair I was special Yeah I been special (special) I was special Yeah I been special (special)
3.
Anger 03:29
Black in my heart Burning with rage All this temptation crazed Feel like destined for greatness i am hella angry Cos no one understands me In the system they wanna cram me But I'm out of here Above all gods - - I don't care Making me violent here But it's not gonna sit with me Human beings, get lit with me Lit on literal fire I don't see no Messiahs We gonna burn in hell We all rotting well [Decay Defeat Hideous Grotesque] x4 Black in my heart Burning with rage All this temptation crazed Feel like destined for greatness [guitar solo] Strange music saved my life (too) Was fucking with it then it became my wife (too) now my rage Got straight out the gate But I am not fazed It part of equation DRIVING ME CRAZY i dont get lazy causing destruction literal suction all the humanity out of me there ain't no god i perceive intervention undoubtebly tell me what is it it aint no god what is it all a facade what is it feeling like fraud what is it thing, man or broad what is it [Decay Defeat Hideous Grotesque] x4
4.
Making me feel like I'm hella defective I'm tryna perfect it But life's directed To nowhere I don't even wanna fucking go there Tryna show the world I got no fear But just like Batman I feel the pain All these restrains Do nothing but maim And my life's directed in no direction Tryna control all this aggression Pent up inside of me I gotta hide in me Voices in my head feeling like they dividing me Tryna reach out, yes I am fighting it Stop neglecting Take fucking notice Save me while you can I am begging you to this Or just fucking end it right here Y'all got no fucking idea Of what I'm evolving to Nothing like Charizard It's more like shedinja I'll end up hurting ya And myself Feel like hulk in here In my head Multiple personalities Fighting to throw the good Out of me All want a chance at riding me I feel like a vessel Or an empty castle Too much room to fill with thoughts Making my own false gods I know it's all cemented Felt like it so I vented I know time won't come back to me You don't need to tell that me Don't present my own facts to me But I wish I wish I could go back and tell em all Stop neglecting Take fucking notice Save me while you can I am begging you to this Stop making me feel like I'm hella defective I'm tryna perfect it But life's directed To nowhere I don't even wanna fucking go there Tryna show the world I got no fear But just like Batman I feel the pain All these restrains Do nothing but maim And my life's directed in no direction Tryna control all this aggression Pent up inside of me I gotta hide in me Voices in my head feeling like they dividing me Tryna reach out, yes I am fighting it
5.
this medication got me fucked up but even then i'm only almost drugged up almost rubbed off the wrong way but i'll go back to the bitch cos i'm that way a fat wave of emotions piling and i'm dialing up the medic the attic is messy and fucked up trauma sealed and locked up then some drama popped up cos my momma caught up with my father in belittling me was a flower and they withering me telling me i'm [[almost the best]] [[not good enough]] i mean [[what the fuck]] i was only a child yea might have been vile and i'm still not good enough but i ain't quitting up cos i'm [[almost the best]] issa good thing [[almost perfect]] and i'll get there
6.
7.
[hook] (Left alone.. by my heros Left alone by those I kept close Isolation only fucking grows Pain overdose) [Verse] Left alone but im fine Talk another time But the person i want Cannot get to if i try (even) I don't wanna fucking cry (even) Told you that i loved solitude But i want you to stick by my side Now they see me with no signs of life I don't even care if im alive [hook] (Left alone.. by my heros Left alone by those I kept close Isolation only fucking grows Pain overdose) [Verse] Told you that i loved solitude But i want you to stick by my side Now they see me with no signs of life I don't even care if i fucking die [hook]
8.
9.
im brilliant got elegance not ignorance it's brilliance i'm above you cos i'm brilliant Brilliant, I'm perfect Live better than you, i deserved it Got talent and i ain't silent getting violent imma kick yo ass you beneath me don't show me your sass i make no errors, how am i gonna grow ain't no obstacle, over which i cannot flow so how will my current get stronger? how to stretch this brilliance longer? how do i know i'm not obsolete when i find no faults in me to delete all this perfection, is it worth? is this brilliance, or am i cursed? brilliant brilliant im brilliant got elegance not ignorance it's brilliance i'm above you cos i'm brilliant Brilliance when i wake up Brilliance in my sleep All good, all perfect Elegance is what i reek Sab perfection Kuch ni rakhta bas theek And i know im better to mai kyu rahu meek Although lately I've been feeling kinda weak Why Do i feel so week Kyu mai khud bhi nahi theek Sab kuch lage on repeat. Aur mai thehra sa Mujhe khud bhi nahi yaad kya mai keh rha tha Sab cheekh rahe the, kya mai behra tha? Kya mai sach me nahi brilliant Am i really cursed? Stead of making it better did i really make it worse? Did I really put a limit on my growth? Did i really severe my own throat? I ain't brilliant No elegance It was ignorance Not brilliance Not above Wasn't brilliant i was cursed
10.
11.
12.
[Verse 1] (0:26 I been isolated Ever since I have been hated, Baited and faded it dated way back But I was on the right track ( I was on the right track) To my destruction Mental malfunction Hit the pedals, get some medals, No, sit at home and question Every fucking goddamn thing in the motherfucking world Like why is swearing bad, why I do it so much. Like, Why I dug up facts on facts, why I been out of touch, Why am I so different, (but) Ain't no predicament Craved for love never got any Why don't I got the thirst for fanny That's normal.for my age Why I think like a sage but want wordy possessions Conflicts raise aggression Conflicted mind Aggressor of itself But I don't want any help Cos I know there is no point in Proving to people my pain's true Getting barely a second to sleep Not having a second of peace From a lot, yes I was going through [Hook] (So I further isolated This my isolation Don't nobody come near me Please don't make no questions I further isolated This my isolation Don't nobody come near me Please don't make no questions) [Verse 2] Then I realized in my sanctuary Some time back in January (That) I gotta either kill myself or kill myself Stop all the things making me myself So I'm no longer able to feel myself Or be ready to end this life Put a full stop to this endless fight Cos I don't wanna be pathetic no more smile only when I see blood and gore People disgust me to the core See, you gotta trust me, they are clones Or machines at best Leeching off each other Dopamine and rest Call this life? Makes me laugh But sadly these are all facts [hook]
13.
[Prelude] It's just you just fucking you Everytime Everywhere It's just fucking you The giver of hope And the one who destroyes it [Intro] You know there was a time Before you came along I was all alone I was sad And scared And confused Didn't know what I would do I know there was a time I'd kill myself If it wasn't for you, You know it's true You gave me hope Please don't take it away (take it away) [Verse] All the frost in my life (just) melted away (When I was) lost in your eyes never felt this way I'm feeling now All the problems that I'm dealing with now (would just go away) You made me believe That I could achieve Everything I've ever wanted Never got it Should just record it Was about to call it quits Not just this Not just that My whole fucking life That's the matter of fact I was about to quit life In some ways I almost did When I stopped trying to fit Do everything like they told me Even I couldn't control me Baby please I need you to hold me Won't you hold me, just for once For once I'd like to feel normal In a stadium wearing formals That's how I look right now Inside of my head There's a voice telling me I should be dead You drive it away You give me hope The love of my life Lemme look in your eyes I mean when i fantasize About you, and me Oh look, so sweet But that's the only time I'm optimistic Feeling I've Loved, but I've missed it For far too long Been without any hope Now I got you tho Now I got you tho..
14.
She said she saw hope in my eyes Didn't know, it was just a disguise Is everything I do real? Or am i full of lies? As I realise I've made some, real lies Where lies Every single one of my many insecurities Guess I need a quarantine Ye Jo likh di Hai zindagi Beato pe yahi le aunga mai shayar se rapper ban jaunga Mai Shayad se rapper ban jaunga Mai Instagram ki stories me khaaunga Mai Laakho karodo me gaaunga Mai Logo me jaana bhi jaaunga mai Ya fir koi degree pakad ke hilaunga Mai? Clients ke liye maraunga Mai? Gumnaami me hi mar jaunga Mai? Kise pata, huh? Kise pata Hai? Kise pata? Bol kise pata Hai? 'Gar tujhe pata Hai ki kise pata Hai To pata pata karke Usise pooch- Ab tujhe pata Hai Par tujhe pata bhi Hai to kabhi mujhe batana nahi Mere, saamne laana nahi, Mera Sach Khud se hi bhaagu Fir khud me doob ke karna chahu answers search Kuch mile na I come out empty handed Everytime But not giving up, one more time Gimme one more time Khud se bas yahi hi bolu mai and my girl worried, "khudh ka dhyaan kyu nahi rakhte ho" Now she mad, "itna nhi Kar sakte ho?" Ab kaise samjhau use Ha, kaise samjhau tumhe khud ko m zinda rakh raha yahi kaafi hai drame ni Kar raha na maangni koi maafi hai Poori is duniya ko maangni maafi hai, Mujhse Khud se Maangu m maafi bas khud se Chahiye ni mujhe kuch tujhse Khud me hi poora m khud se Ye rhyme bana rha m khud se Meta line bhi ye likh daali khud se Bhale hi kuch bhi m kar kyu na paau Par wo bhi m karunga khud se Ha Roz hi m ladunga khud se Jab bhi marunga m khud se Bas Ek aur din Ek aur rhyme Ek aur sin Ek aur crime Khudhi ki zidagi ki mohlat maangu m khud se Aasani se marne walo me se nahi hu, khud ko samjhaau m khud se Lage baate suicidal par Mai nahi Chup chap sa rehta m na kahi Dil ki koi baat kabhi na kahin, Bas phone pe tap m karta jaau fir mic pe wahi nikaal du poora Beats pe use laga ke fir internet pe daal du poora, Apna sach yeah this is my life My dark thoughts.
15.
My head is heavy, it's hurting now don't even know what the fuck I'm blurting now Can't tell reality from the surreal I see all my demons returning now Not been closed in four days, eyes are burning now Don't know when or what ate, stomach's churning now My room smells of blood, but wait just to me Only sounds there is is "thud", again just to me YEAH I GOT A MESSED UP MIND! I like to see my blood, and oh taste it too Cutting myself open, I make haste into Maybe I made a monster, and faced it too Or maybe I am the monster, I just faced into The mirror Talking metaphorically The mirror, looking directly into my soul Strangling a human to death, one of my life goals Self harm for depression? Pussy shit I just like the pain, so I do this shit Art supplies, an apt disguise For all my sharp little friends I use to dice Pieces of my flesh since the 8th grade Watching myself get stitches never made me afraid And I cannot make this up every bit is true Guess I'm a sociopath, gore makes me drool IT'S TRUE I GOT A MESSED UP MIND!

about

a reflection of the most bizarre, pain filled, erratic, unpredictable and unbalanced, yet layered and beautifully irregular parts of my psyche, tracing my journey right from childhood when the pain started, [act 1: seeds], through the most painful, formative years [act 2: development], all the way to present, to the emergence of the dark soul i'd become, [part 3: manifestation]

credits

released December 12, 2018

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Ghost Boy Varanasi, India

DAMAGED

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